How can I get my wife to communicate? We have been married for 3 months and I already get the feeling that she might be seeing someone else.. I can't go into details, it would take many pages to explain. I know that she has many peeves about me, but she will not tell me what they are, even though I have told her that communication is VERY important. (BTW, she was the one who wanted to get married, I told her I wasn't ready yet, although, I do love her.) The strange work hours here in Japan don't help because it gives her a reason to come home late, while I usually finish work before 5, and it usually takes about 40 minutes by train to come home. Anyway, if she has drifted far away (especially because of her peeves toward me), how can I win her back? Japan, Age 32

Aunt says:

Your wife sounds like the sort who keeps things to herself. The sort to suffer in silence.

Maybe she is just quiet by nature.

Maybe she has run out of things to talk about. If that is the case, you might want to take up a hobby together, join a class together on weekends, go on a holiday together. Maybe make it a point to 'date' her out every week.

Maybe your wife just doesn't feel like talking. She could be so tired after work that she just doesn't feel like talking. By the way, who does the housework. If you come home way before she does, and expect her to cook and clean for you after a long day's work, she would probably get fed up. If that is the case, you might want to pitch in more at home.

Maybe she feels that you don't understand her. When she shares with you something personal, do you sometimes say things like 'nonsense' or 'don't be stupid'? Such words are hurtful. She might start to think that if you think what she says is nonsense, why should she tell you about it anymore? If during a fight, you use her personal confessions against her, that would make her lose trust in you and stop confiding in you. Assure her that you love her.

She doesn't tell you what her pet peeves are. Sounds like she expects you to know her well enough to read her mind. Maybe you could suggest to her that you can't read her mind, no matter how much you love her. If you ask her why she is upset and she answers that you should know, maybe you could say you don't know. You really need her to tell you so that you can make the necessary change or changes.

Is she ambitious while you are not? That could create some friction.

Try an arrange a nice quiet time out with her. Take her somewhere quiet and romantic. Just the two of you. Sit there, admire the beauty of nature. Relax and see how it goes.

If you have a common religion, spend time praying together.

If it is her birthday or a special occasion, consider getting her a Pearl Necklace

If she is the trendy sort, then get her a 14K Gold Double Jeweled Belly Button Ring

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